I really appreciated this piece. There's a lot of revivalism going around, and it's not good for most people. The idea that you should look back on all your former choices as the work of your wicked self, now renounced, is a very poor basis for life. It would be nice to be a new creation, but we're just the same flawed people, wandering through a world in where there is no obvious battle between light and darkness.
I've left academia, but I don't hate it. It didn't trick me. And if I'm less prone to self-deception, that's the work of time. I still love students, because that category covers anyone who is trying to understand something in this world. Who wouldn't root for those people? And teachers, the ones trying to help somebody understand something -- how could you not hope they'll succeed?
Maybe other people have it all figured out, and we're just slow. But I prefer people who are looking for answers to people who've already found them.
Thank you, Maria! Well said. I do plan to write later about how much I still love teaching and the shared struggle with students toward understanding that you describe. For what it's worth, some of the people who manifest as if they have it all figured out are doing so because that's what pays, not because they really believe it. There is no incentive for humility or uncertainty in the digital world (the world of search engine optimization), and some of that performative culture has found its way into scholarly discourse. More for another time!
I started referring to myself at professional conferences on sustainability across the curriculum as "a recovering academic" back around 2009. What I meant by that label was that at this-- late-- stage in my career I had relatively more freedom to pick and choose what I believe to be important, meaningful, and fulfilling and to dump or say no to things I consider frivolous, overblown, or a waste of time and energy. For me this meant abandoning pretentious academic research on narrow, tangential topics where publication basically meant a few other hyper-specialists might read it and I get a temporary, fleeting rush of self-esteem for a publication: one more notch on the rifle barrel. Who cares about broadcasting and regime legitimacy in Botswana, anyway? By re-prioritizing my work to mainly teaching undergraduate students while guiding my institution toward sustainability education across the curriculum, I "recovered" and felt like not only work but life was more meaningful. Life is huge; academia is not life. We fool ourselves if we fall prey to the idea that it alone could ever make us whole.
Totally agree that reshuffled priorities can allow recovery without leaving the profession altogether. And there is a sense in which even narrow academic research could be worthwhile if it's personally fulfilling beyond the next line on the CV. I enjoyed much of my more recent research into neuroscience and believe it to be accessible to more than a few experts. However, there are questions about the time involved in those projects, the hours of uncompensated labor that is also time away from gardening or coaching softball or sharing a leisurely pint. If I were looking for ways to fill my time, academic research might well be rewarding and even a source of community. But it no longer ranks near the top of what I consider most important.
Thanks: as we age and family obligations change there is also more room for work of all kinds. I do a lot more uncompensated work now than since I was a junior faculty member.
I really appreciated this piece. There's a lot of revivalism going around, and it's not good for most people. The idea that you should look back on all your former choices as the work of your wicked self, now renounced, is a very poor basis for life. It would be nice to be a new creation, but we're just the same flawed people, wandering through a world in where there is no obvious battle between light and darkness.
I've left academia, but I don't hate it. It didn't trick me. And if I'm less prone to self-deception, that's the work of time. I still love students, because that category covers anyone who is trying to understand something in this world. Who wouldn't root for those people? And teachers, the ones trying to help somebody understand something -- how could you not hope they'll succeed?
Maybe other people have it all figured out, and we're just slow. But I prefer people who are looking for answers to people who've already found them.
Thanks for writing this.
Thank you, Maria! Well said. I do plan to write later about how much I still love teaching and the shared struggle with students toward understanding that you describe. For what it's worth, some of the people who manifest as if they have it all figured out are doing so because that's what pays, not because they really believe it. There is no incentive for humility or uncertainty in the digital world (the world of search engine optimization), and some of that performative culture has found its way into scholarly discourse. More for another time!
I started referring to myself at professional conferences on sustainability across the curriculum as "a recovering academic" back around 2009. What I meant by that label was that at this-- late-- stage in my career I had relatively more freedom to pick and choose what I believe to be important, meaningful, and fulfilling and to dump or say no to things I consider frivolous, overblown, or a waste of time and energy. For me this meant abandoning pretentious academic research on narrow, tangential topics where publication basically meant a few other hyper-specialists might read it and I get a temporary, fleeting rush of self-esteem for a publication: one more notch on the rifle barrel. Who cares about broadcasting and regime legitimacy in Botswana, anyway? By re-prioritizing my work to mainly teaching undergraduate students while guiding my institution toward sustainability education across the curriculum, I "recovered" and felt like not only work but life was more meaningful. Life is huge; academia is not life. We fool ourselves if we fall prey to the idea that it alone could ever make us whole.
Totally agree that reshuffled priorities can allow recovery without leaving the profession altogether. And there is a sense in which even narrow academic research could be worthwhile if it's personally fulfilling beyond the next line on the CV. I enjoyed much of my more recent research into neuroscience and believe it to be accessible to more than a few experts. However, there are questions about the time involved in those projects, the hours of uncompensated labor that is also time away from gardening or coaching softball or sharing a leisurely pint. If I were looking for ways to fill my time, academic research might well be rewarding and even a source of community. But it no longer ranks near the top of what I consider most important.
Thanks: as we age and family obligations change there is also more room for work of all kinds. I do a lot more uncompensated work now than since I was a junior faculty member.
Written well, intelligent, observant... but lacking profoundity