Another excellent essay, as I make my way back through your writing. When I was a third-year assistant professor at a liberal-arts/comprehensive university in the Midwest, I was working 80- to 100-hour weeks trying to teach my 3 lectures and 3 labs per semester to my own standards, and to do a little research on the side, and to advise 40+ students, all while my 'colleagues' were backstabbing me and administrators were monitoring electronic communications. I'd come home and my 4-year-old son would run away from me, not having seen me for the whole day (or worse). I decided that this was not a life worth living, and so I quit, in mid-academic year. We moved to another state for my wife's career, which had been on pause since the arrival of our son, and I arrived with basically no idea of what I would do with my life, for the first time since I was 5 years old.
And it was the best decision of my life, other than marrying my wife. I used that fallow time to be with my son, and we bonded well once I wasn't consumed with and depressed by work. I thought deeply about what I should do with my life, and realized that I was a born teacher and needed to give that one more shot. And I did that as a lowly precarious lecturer and soft-money scientist, but instead of being bitter about that status, I actually reveled in the ability to be paid (little, but still paid) to teach. So I threw myself into teaching, again, but with a sense of freedom and joy. I rejected society's and academe's norms and replaced them with my own--since money is its own form of shackles, I was free to be me in the classroom.
As I tell my own students, you do your best work when you're having fun, and I did, in both teaching and research. And then lightning struck, and I got a second chance to be on the tenure track (which is probably a 1 in 1000 chance), and I've made the most of that for the last 14 years.
Now I'm coming closer to retirement, and my leaving this time will be different. I'm hoping, though, that my experience the first time around will allow me to depart gracefully. I very much identify with your perspective here. One difference, though: my public university doesn't have sabbaticals, so I have never had a sabbatical, not one, in my entire 24-year teaching career. Retirement will be, for me, my one, only, and permanent sabbatical!
Powerful story, John. I'm glad you were able to find another way to pursue your calling! It sounds like the first step for you was leaving an unhealthy situation. I also wonder if your lightning strike is possible these days? A lot has changed over the past 14 years, much of it over the past 5 or so.
I didn't think that my lightning strike was possible, even when it happened. In no way do I ever state, or imply, or mean to imply, that this would work the same way for anyone else. That's the most fatuous advice ever--I hate it when someone says, "Don't worry, I did this, and it'll work for you too!" Who can say? But I do think more generally that leaving a toxic situation can lead and often does lead to better situations, even if the outcome doesn't resemble what you thought you would be doing all along. I was phenomenally lucky to "fail upward," and it was luck at least as much as hard work.
Just reminded about the persistent inequities in higher ed. You can work and work and still never get the sabbatical we are told is coming to all of us on the tenure-track. Oy.
This is great, Josh. Resignation is a permanent sabbatical. A false retirement - retirement without the financial security and bad hip.
"No essay or book will ever love me back. My kids will. My kids do." This line is the same reason why I left academia. I've also since left corporate. So, we're in the same boat. Happy to navigate this together!
Good reminder that industry isn't always a better work environment. I'd love to hear more about your journey away from academe! There are a lot of us, and more all the time.
Yeah I'd argue there are more similar than different nowadays. The business model of academia is changing. I'm actually starting a whole podcast on this topic... Stay tuned!
Thanks for sharing these thoughts, Josh. As I consider an early retirement, this gives me much to consider. Sounds like you made a decision that's been transformative for you.
Glad to hear it resonated. Yes, I would make the same choice again. I think I'm still undergoing the transformation. Writing about it helps. There is a great deal about academic life that I do not miss, and I do not mean to bright side the thankless grading marathons or discussions that were so silent that even the crickets couldn't do it anymore. But I think my approach to teaching was a spiritual journey, and I often had something like religious experiences when the teaching was going well. So *not* having that has been challenging. Of course, writing offers a similar kind of absorption, and you know that feeling well.
One source of grief for me is the response from the administrations of colleges and universities when Iowa's governor declared war on public health measures. Instead of sticking up for best practices, they abandoned masks and vaccines fairly quickly in order to grovel at her feet. Following her lead, some coaches even told their teams not to get vaccinated or wear masks. A colleague of ours asked her class why they did not wear masks when she did. The answer was a cruel,"You're old." She replied "No, I'm educated." But it's a hard sell when you have scant back-up and even opposition on your campus. Here in Iowa, the ignorant legislature has placed bans on any mask mandates in the future and attempt to undo any vaccine requirements. Places which value knowledge and truth should stand up to this. But they maintain a discreet silence. It's fully understandable why you left Iowa. Not to mention, you sound like you have made great progress as a writer which you would not have done otherwise.
I'm not mad at Iowa. It's true that the Governor is particularly maddening, but that mentality is everywhere. I see plenty of it in rural PA, and my home state, Montana, is even worse (the Governor there assaulted a reporter and has illegally killed wolves on his property). I think what bothered me more was the college's abandonment of arts and humanities. This, too, is a form of standing up for knowledge and truth. I knew I could not do my work well and passionately for another twenty years in that environment.
Some perspective is needed, and this post probably won't be the kudos you might be seeking.
Having been a faculty brat, I'll play devil's advocate. My dad worked every day, every week in the prof era of not working from home and going 9-5 and he was with his family. He loved his job. Is higher ed really a gulag? I worked in small newspapers and after 20 years topped out at $24,000 a year with 60 hour weeks and many editors f-bombing me across the newsroom because I misplaced a comma. A full load in higher ed is 3 classes plus research and your dean probably isn't cussing you out on a daily basis.
You get some bad co-workers and bosses? Welcome to America. Ever work in fast food, in a cubicle 8-5 with a half-hour lunch (if that) with angry bosses, upset middle managers, and so forth?
Not dismissing your personal journey here and I know comments on a blog are often to support the author, but the old journalist in me has me highly skeptical. I also hope your writing career works out, but like artists, athletes, and musicians, I'd say the odds are against you and a full-time, tenure teaching job is a much more stable gig. I think your kids would still love you if your worked full-time.
Yes, I understand the bad politics of higher ed, I worked in it. It mirrors society. Sorry for the cynicism, but I'm not buying it that higher ed is some salt mine. If it is, profs should gain some perspective by working at some soulless tech company for 60 hours a week and report back to us.
Tim, I joined Substack for substantive conversations, and so I welcome opposing views. There are a lot of assertions here, and I may not be able to tackle them all. But your father worked during a different era of higher ed. I taught for twenty years, counting graduate school, and the landscape has changed considerably in the last five years. Small liberal arts colleges like my former employer exist in a constant state of financial crisis now, which makes tenured positions increasingly unstable.
Let me be clear: my decision to leave was driven largely by family. I grew up near both sets of grandparents and wanted my children to have that chance during their formative years. The pandemic hastened that decision, and it's a personal choice that I won't regret. But it's certainly true that I'd have found it more difficult if I felt the same way about my job that I did just eight years ago.
I grew up in poverty in northwestern Montana, so I know all about shitty jobs. I went to college and then to graduate school precisely because I did not want to work in fast food or simply collect a paycheck somewhere else. People who have sacrificed years of their lives for a purpose-driven career are entitled to high standards for that profession. I don't think anyone, regardless of their position, needs to tolerate bad behavior in the workplace just because "that's the way it is." Millions of Americans have rejected that thinking over the past three years, have reshuffled their priorities, and have demanded work with more compensation and respect. As they should.
Joshua, excellent answer. I guess much of my initial post was in regards to all these (Chronicle of Higher Ed) articles about how awful the profession is, and how getting out is the best thing to do. Maybe it is? I have some friends who left, some happy they did. I left student services for K-12 education, a good move for me, people are nicer in K-12, in my opinion, not experiencing the backstabbing I did in higher ed. That said, I've heard people in their new tech job saying its a nightmare and they were foolish to give up the university life.
Today I read the carnage from Univ. of Akron layoffs, people who wanted to be there but now are adjunct or let go. That's sad. It's too bad your experience was miserable, certainly a small, liberal arts college should know better. Heck, any university should know better, so I'm not sure what the top-down management priorities are in higher ed these days.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I'm enjoying your blog.
Tim, thanks for taking the time to engage this meaningfully. I agree with everything here except the claim that I'm advocating for getting out as the best choice. Layoffs like those at Akron are awful. Those of us who left voluntarily did not, in our heart of hearts, want to choose that path. I am still close friends with many who have stayed in academe by choice or out of necessity, and I see them as my compatriots.
I'm certainly not alone in claiming that higher ed is in crisis now. See Jason Wingard's recent op-ed: https://www.insidehighered.com/views/2022/08/16/higher-ed-must-change-or-die-opinion. But it's telling that Wingard doesn't mention faculty even once. It's all about the marketplace. This gives you a glimpse of what top-down priorities are at many institutions.
See this promotion by my former employer. Almost no mention of academics whatsoever. Is it any wonder that faculty feel undervalued?
Wow I thought that video was for the town's chamber of commerce, not the university. Then again, my alma mater on its home page just has a bunch of fun things that kids are doing and none of them are academics or studying or doing anything that's related to knowledge.
Thanks -- you're right that some separation of self from the profession is healthy. And yet, as you saw in today's polemic, there is plenty that I miss from time in the classroom. I'm still hoping find ways to be useful to other seekers in their journeys.
Another excellent essay, as I make my way back through your writing. When I was a third-year assistant professor at a liberal-arts/comprehensive university in the Midwest, I was working 80- to 100-hour weeks trying to teach my 3 lectures and 3 labs per semester to my own standards, and to do a little research on the side, and to advise 40+ students, all while my 'colleagues' were backstabbing me and administrators were monitoring electronic communications. I'd come home and my 4-year-old son would run away from me, not having seen me for the whole day (or worse). I decided that this was not a life worth living, and so I quit, in mid-academic year. We moved to another state for my wife's career, which had been on pause since the arrival of our son, and I arrived with basically no idea of what I would do with my life, for the first time since I was 5 years old.
And it was the best decision of my life, other than marrying my wife. I used that fallow time to be with my son, and we bonded well once I wasn't consumed with and depressed by work. I thought deeply about what I should do with my life, and realized that I was a born teacher and needed to give that one more shot. And I did that as a lowly precarious lecturer and soft-money scientist, but instead of being bitter about that status, I actually reveled in the ability to be paid (little, but still paid) to teach. So I threw myself into teaching, again, but with a sense of freedom and joy. I rejected society's and academe's norms and replaced them with my own--since money is its own form of shackles, I was free to be me in the classroom.
As I tell my own students, you do your best work when you're having fun, and I did, in both teaching and research. And then lightning struck, and I got a second chance to be on the tenure track (which is probably a 1 in 1000 chance), and I've made the most of that for the last 14 years.
Now I'm coming closer to retirement, and my leaving this time will be different. I'm hoping, though, that my experience the first time around will allow me to depart gracefully. I very much identify with your perspective here. One difference, though: my public university doesn't have sabbaticals, so I have never had a sabbatical, not one, in my entire 24-year teaching career. Retirement will be, for me, my one, only, and permanent sabbatical!
Powerful story, John. I'm glad you were able to find another way to pursue your calling! It sounds like the first step for you was leaving an unhealthy situation. I also wonder if your lightning strike is possible these days? A lot has changed over the past 14 years, much of it over the past 5 or so.
I didn't think that my lightning strike was possible, even when it happened. In no way do I ever state, or imply, or mean to imply, that this would work the same way for anyone else. That's the most fatuous advice ever--I hate it when someone says, "Don't worry, I did this, and it'll work for you too!" Who can say? But I do think more generally that leaving a toxic situation can lead and often does lead to better situations, even if the outcome doesn't resemble what you thought you would be doing all along. I was phenomenally lucky to "fail upward," and it was luck at least as much as hard work.
Just reminded about the persistent inequities in higher ed. You can work and work and still never get the sabbatical we are told is coming to all of us on the tenure-track. Oy.
This is great, Josh. Resignation is a permanent sabbatical. A false retirement - retirement without the financial security and bad hip.
"No essay or book will ever love me back. My kids will. My kids do." This line is the same reason why I left academia. I've also since left corporate. So, we're in the same boat. Happy to navigate this together!
Good reminder that industry isn't always a better work environment. I'd love to hear more about your journey away from academe! There are a lot of us, and more all the time.
Yeah I'd argue there are more similar than different nowadays. The business model of academia is changing. I'm actually starting a whole podcast on this topic... Stay tuned!
Thanks for sharing these thoughts, Josh. As I consider an early retirement, this gives me much to consider. Sounds like you made a decision that's been transformative for you.
Glad to hear it resonated. Yes, I would make the same choice again. I think I'm still undergoing the transformation. Writing about it helps. There is a great deal about academic life that I do not miss, and I do not mean to bright side the thankless grading marathons or discussions that were so silent that even the crickets couldn't do it anymore. But I think my approach to teaching was a spiritual journey, and I often had something like religious experiences when the teaching was going well. So *not* having that has been challenging. Of course, writing offers a similar kind of absorption, and you know that feeling well.
One source of grief for me is the response from the administrations of colleges and universities when Iowa's governor declared war on public health measures. Instead of sticking up for best practices, they abandoned masks and vaccines fairly quickly in order to grovel at her feet. Following her lead, some coaches even told their teams not to get vaccinated or wear masks. A colleague of ours asked her class why they did not wear masks when she did. The answer was a cruel,"You're old." She replied "No, I'm educated." But it's a hard sell when you have scant back-up and even opposition on your campus. Here in Iowa, the ignorant legislature has placed bans on any mask mandates in the future and attempt to undo any vaccine requirements. Places which value knowledge and truth should stand up to this. But they maintain a discreet silence. It's fully understandable why you left Iowa. Not to mention, you sound like you have made great progress as a writer which you would not have done otherwise.
I'm not mad at Iowa. It's true that the Governor is particularly maddening, but that mentality is everywhere. I see plenty of it in rural PA, and my home state, Montana, is even worse (the Governor there assaulted a reporter and has illegally killed wolves on his property). I think what bothered me more was the college's abandonment of arts and humanities. This, too, is a form of standing up for knowledge and truth. I knew I could not do my work well and passionately for another twenty years in that environment.
I think you made a wonderful choice.
Thank you, Linda! All the best for your own writing, too.
Some perspective is needed, and this post probably won't be the kudos you might be seeking.
Having been a faculty brat, I'll play devil's advocate. My dad worked every day, every week in the prof era of not working from home and going 9-5 and he was with his family. He loved his job. Is higher ed really a gulag? I worked in small newspapers and after 20 years topped out at $24,000 a year with 60 hour weeks and many editors f-bombing me across the newsroom because I misplaced a comma. A full load in higher ed is 3 classes plus research and your dean probably isn't cussing you out on a daily basis.
You get some bad co-workers and bosses? Welcome to America. Ever work in fast food, in a cubicle 8-5 with a half-hour lunch (if that) with angry bosses, upset middle managers, and so forth?
Not dismissing your personal journey here and I know comments on a blog are often to support the author, but the old journalist in me has me highly skeptical. I also hope your writing career works out, but like artists, athletes, and musicians, I'd say the odds are against you and a full-time, tenure teaching job is a much more stable gig. I think your kids would still love you if your worked full-time.
Yes, I understand the bad politics of higher ed, I worked in it. It mirrors society. Sorry for the cynicism, but I'm not buying it that higher ed is some salt mine. If it is, profs should gain some perspective by working at some soulless tech company for 60 hours a week and report back to us.
Tim, I joined Substack for substantive conversations, and so I welcome opposing views. There are a lot of assertions here, and I may not be able to tackle them all. But your father worked during a different era of higher ed. I taught for twenty years, counting graduate school, and the landscape has changed considerably in the last five years. Small liberal arts colleges like my former employer exist in a constant state of financial crisis now, which makes tenured positions increasingly unstable.
Let me be clear: my decision to leave was driven largely by family. I grew up near both sets of grandparents and wanted my children to have that chance during their formative years. The pandemic hastened that decision, and it's a personal choice that I won't regret. But it's certainly true that I'd have found it more difficult if I felt the same way about my job that I did just eight years ago.
I grew up in poverty in northwestern Montana, so I know all about shitty jobs. I went to college and then to graduate school precisely because I did not want to work in fast food or simply collect a paycheck somewhere else. People who have sacrificed years of their lives for a purpose-driven career are entitled to high standards for that profession. I don't think anyone, regardless of their position, needs to tolerate bad behavior in the workplace just because "that's the way it is." Millions of Americans have rejected that thinking over the past three years, have reshuffled their priorities, and have demanded work with more compensation and respect. As they should.
Joshua, excellent answer. I guess much of my initial post was in regards to all these (Chronicle of Higher Ed) articles about how awful the profession is, and how getting out is the best thing to do. Maybe it is? I have some friends who left, some happy they did. I left student services for K-12 education, a good move for me, people are nicer in K-12, in my opinion, not experiencing the backstabbing I did in higher ed. That said, I've heard people in their new tech job saying its a nightmare and they were foolish to give up the university life.
Today I read the carnage from Univ. of Akron layoffs, people who wanted to be there but now are adjunct or let go. That's sad. It's too bad your experience was miserable, certainly a small, liberal arts college should know better. Heck, any university should know better, so I'm not sure what the top-down management priorities are in higher ed these days.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I'm enjoying your blog.
Tim, thanks for taking the time to engage this meaningfully. I agree with everything here except the claim that I'm advocating for getting out as the best choice. Layoffs like those at Akron are awful. Those of us who left voluntarily did not, in our heart of hearts, want to choose that path. I am still close friends with many who have stayed in academe by choice or out of necessity, and I see them as my compatriots.
I'm certainly not alone in claiming that higher ed is in crisis now. See Jason Wingard's recent op-ed: https://www.insidehighered.com/views/2022/08/16/higher-ed-must-change-or-die-opinion. But it's telling that Wingard doesn't mention faculty even once. It's all about the marketplace. This gives you a glimpse of what top-down priorities are at many institutions.
See this promotion by my former employer. Almost no mention of academics whatsoever. Is it any wonder that faculty feel undervalued?
https://central.edu/profiles/about/perks-of-pella/
Wow I thought that video was for the town's chamber of commerce, not the university. Then again, my alma mater on its home page just has a bunch of fun things that kids are doing and none of them are academics or studying or doing anything that's related to knowledge.
Thanks -- you're right that some separation of self from the profession is healthy. And yet, as you saw in today's polemic, there is plenty that I miss from time in the classroom. I'm still hoping find ways to be useful to other seekers in their journeys.