Joshua - This idea of writing about people we know and love has been a roadblock for me in writing my own story. Obviously they have a real life and then they have the life in our minds as well. When that is all translated to a page it becomes another version, maybe something between the reality and the memory. It is difficult and not easy to do justice. I am excited about your new project and look forward to reading the "assigned" chapter. All the best, Matthew
Thank you, Matthew! Yes, it's complicated. And as long as the people involved are living, there is a necessary calculus about which stories are whose to tell and whether the tradeoffs of painful truths are worthwhile. Sometimes, if those truths serve a large enough purpose, if they serve others well in a meaningful way (such as in candid stories about how we are socialized or how we approach parenting), I think the discomfort has a rationale.
One of the lovely things about memoir is that the tension between a mother's "real life" and her "life in your mind" is fair game for thinking about on the page. This is one of the things that sets memoir apart from fiction, IMO. Theoretically, you could have a fictional narrator musing about the same things, but I don't think it would land. We expect a little more meta-reflection in memoir, I think, and part of the challenge that the genre presents is trying to really find the truth in our memories (which are more elusive than they seem).
Very interesting essay Joshua. I will surely remember this as I continue to write.
I have written a couple of essays about people I have known, one about the women in my bloodline, one about an influential woman I knew, and one about my dad. I attempted to portray them as multidimensionally as they were. I will have to go back and reread now with these thoughts in mind
I really liked this. I found it via the Foster newsletter. Particularly this line resonated with me: "To turn real people into characters we must imagine our fathers and mothers less personally, at least for certain moments, the way a painter studies a nude — with great intimacy, but without the flush of desire." I also clicked it because the title is so similar to something I'd written before: https://charliebecker.substack.com/p/get-into-character I plan to write more personally in the future and will remember your quote about seeing someone through new eyes as I do so.
Joshua - This idea of writing about people we know and love has been a roadblock for me in writing my own story. Obviously they have a real life and then they have the life in our minds as well. When that is all translated to a page it becomes another version, maybe something between the reality and the memory. It is difficult and not easy to do justice. I am excited about your new project and look forward to reading the "assigned" chapter. All the best, Matthew
Thank you, Matthew! Yes, it's complicated. And as long as the people involved are living, there is a necessary calculus about which stories are whose to tell and whether the tradeoffs of painful truths are worthwhile. Sometimes, if those truths serve a large enough purpose, if they serve others well in a meaningful way (such as in candid stories about how we are socialized or how we approach parenting), I think the discomfort has a rationale.
One of the lovely things about memoir is that the tension between a mother's "real life" and her "life in your mind" is fair game for thinking about on the page. This is one of the things that sets memoir apart from fiction, IMO. Theoretically, you could have a fictional narrator musing about the same things, but I don't think it would land. We expect a little more meta-reflection in memoir, I think, and part of the challenge that the genre presents is trying to really find the truth in our memories (which are more elusive than they seem).
Very interesting essay Joshua. I will surely remember this as I continue to write.
I have written a couple of essays about people I have known, one about the women in my bloodline, one about an influential woman I knew, and one about my dad. I attempted to portray them as multidimensionally as they were. I will have to go back and reread now with these thoughts in mind
I really liked this. I found it via the Foster newsletter. Particularly this line resonated with me: "To turn real people into characters we must imagine our fathers and mothers less personally, at least for certain moments, the way a painter studies a nude — with great intimacy, but without the flush of desire." I also clicked it because the title is so similar to something I'd written before: https://charliebecker.substack.com/p/get-into-character I plan to write more personally in the future and will remember your quote about seeing someone through new eyes as I do so.
Thanks, Charlie. Love that story about your mom and all those complicit cashiers!