Wow Josh. This is such a powerful memory and story. So much was evocative for me. This line: "It’s why I’ve never been able to separate love from saving someone, why love always leads to a goodbye more tearful than the original grief I set out to ease." I feel that so much. Also the incredible wilderness aspects of your journey. And the dog stuff. And the massage therapist stuff--I've been seeing the same woman for therapy for 6-7 years. A two-hour session at least once a month if not more. Our sessions are much like you describe--a shared therapy experience. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful essay with me.
Thanks, Dee! But it's a story -- inspired by some true events, but with plenty of invention. I've never lived in Missoula, never owned a Husky, never written freelance for outdoor magazines. But the back trouble is all real :)
Thanks for sharing this nuanced, provocative story. I like the probing, longing in the voice--and that great image of him running with his Husky. I really like the inversion here--as the one seeking physical comfort becomes the therapist for the one giving massage therapy. His yearly vanishing into the wilderness also makes me think of Hemingway's "Big Two Hearted River," how Nick goes out into the wilderness to find healing...but maybe that's because I recently completed my 2-part podcast episodes on that story: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4jvxbMq13A4BfqbFnXNVr5?si=cb65734d85e14e13
Yes, I'm still prone to romanticizing my time in the wilderness, though part of me recognizes that it was never sustainable (I was always skimming the cream from the landscape, never enduring winter or the economic hardship of the place) and that I endured a good deal of misery from the awful crews my supervisor hired! My character here is recognizing this, I think, that his seasonal retreat is a kind of placeholder for living -- another form of absence rather than radical presence.
Nice! I like the suspense in this story, the unanswered questions, the way Mowat lives with them and you, as either patient, or therapist are somewhat tortured by the lack of resolution. It reminds me that when I allow someone to enter my intimate areas (dentist, masseuse), I'm never sure if I want to know their story or not. The transaction in a therapeutic setting can be so complicated.
Thank you! I've had many massage therapists over the years, and I do enjoy some level of reciprocity in those conversations. The masseuse here is a composite of a few of the more awkward ones :).
But, dear God, if I could get my dentist to stop asking, "How was your weekend? Do anything exciting?," I would be so happy!
Thank you, Joshua, for a story that drew me into a person's inner life -- not high drama but deep and nuanced emotion. I especially appreciate a dive into ambivalence and uncertainty. All best, Shifra Sharlin
Beautiful.
Thank you ❤️
Wow Josh. This is such a powerful memory and story. So much was evocative for me. This line: "It’s why I’ve never been able to separate love from saving someone, why love always leads to a goodbye more tearful than the original grief I set out to ease." I feel that so much. Also the incredible wilderness aspects of your journey. And the dog stuff. And the massage therapist stuff--I've been seeing the same woman for therapy for 6-7 years. A two-hour session at least once a month if not more. Our sessions are much like you describe--a shared therapy experience. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful essay with me.
Thanks, Dee! But it's a story -- inspired by some true events, but with plenty of invention. I've never lived in Missoula, never owned a Husky, never written freelance for outdoor magazines. But the back trouble is all real :)
Your imaginative prose put you, and me, there. Wonderful.
Thanks for sharing this nuanced, provocative story. I like the probing, longing in the voice--and that great image of him running with his Husky. I really like the inversion here--as the one seeking physical comfort becomes the therapist for the one giving massage therapy. His yearly vanishing into the wilderness also makes me think of Hemingway's "Big Two Hearted River," how Nick goes out into the wilderness to find healing...but maybe that's because I recently completed my 2-part podcast episodes on that story: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4jvxbMq13A4BfqbFnXNVr5?si=cb65734d85e14e13
Yes, I'm still prone to romanticizing my time in the wilderness, though part of me recognizes that it was never sustainable (I was always skimming the cream from the landscape, never enduring winter or the economic hardship of the place) and that I endured a good deal of misery from the awful crews my supervisor hired! My character here is recognizing this, I think, that his seasonal retreat is a kind of placeholder for living -- another form of absence rather than radical presence.
Nice! I like the suspense in this story, the unanswered questions, the way Mowat lives with them and you, as either patient, or therapist are somewhat tortured by the lack of resolution. It reminds me that when I allow someone to enter my intimate areas (dentist, masseuse), I'm never sure if I want to know their story or not. The transaction in a therapeutic setting can be so complicated.
Thank you! I've had many massage therapists over the years, and I do enjoy some level of reciprocity in those conversations. The masseuse here is a composite of a few of the more awkward ones :).
But, dear God, if I could get my dentist to stop asking, "How was your weekend? Do anything exciting?," I would be so happy!
Thank you, Joshua, for a story that drew me into a person's inner life -- not high drama but deep and nuanced emotion. I especially appreciate a dive into ambivalence and uncertainty. All best, Shifra Sharlin
Thanks, Shifra! It sounds like the story struck close to the mark I was aiming at :)