Ofri's essay is a great example to illustrate your point about what the narrator needs to do for the reader to feel the intended effect. I agree too many memoirs fall into this interpersonal conflict model, but I wonder how many actually transcend these three stereotypical roles of perp, victim, and savior. I want to see those roles transformed by the end as a reader. The savior role is as problematic as victim and perp.
It really seems like a generational divide. Tobias Wolff, Mary Karr, Kim Barnes, Cheryl Strayed, Bill Bryson, Tara Westover, and many others follow the pattern Ofri does (and in fact the earlier writers may have defined it for her). I cannot think of many memoirs published by non-celebrities in the last five years that do not skew toward the victim or victim/savior mold with a clear patriarchal villain. But this really is a hypothesis, and I'm open to exceptions if folks have them! Actually, one exception that I can think of is Kao Kalia Yang, whose memoirs transcend the drama triangle, even though they describe trauma and hardship. Others?
So there’s hope for my memoir. I used the model from one of Douglas Adam’s books where the hero, Arthur Dent, travels to the Planet of the Prophets where he eventually meets an old woman boiling some vile stew while hanging goat-like bladders on a line to dry.
When he walks toward her, she’s swatting huge insects that are buzzing the bladders. He tells her that he is looking for wisdom about life and she agrees to help him, but she needs assistance with moving her solar photocopying machine out of her cave to recharge it.
She eventually photocopies her document and goes through the copy with a yellow highlighter. She hands it to him and tells him to not do any of the stupid things she did, which are what she highlighted.
My memoir is about all the stupid things I did in life, which I have highlighted for my readers. I decided that my sole purpose in life is to simply serve as a warning to others.
I agree Kao Kalia Yang’s work breaks that mold. Will Schwalbe (End of Life Book Club, We Should Not be Friends) immediately came to mind. Actually I see it is one of the reasons Hillbilly Elegy fell flat in the second half of the memoir. He becomes the victim/hero. Maybe it’s because I like these kinds of stories better. I think Orfi’s model works best with a narrative arc that follows the Hero’s journey structure. For me, the monomyth is old, stale, and serves to maintain order and status quo.
Thanks for the shout out. I used to be very interested in the Karpman Drama Triangle, not the least because I experienced it personally, and certainly when it comes to writing toxic relationships, it's a damn good structure to base interpersonal conflict on. In "The Requisitions" however, my three characters--at least in their inception--were more based on three 20th century theories about human nature that are clearly note exhaustive but provide a useful framework for characterization: that we tend to pursue pleasure (Sigmund Freud), power (Alfred Adler), or purpose (Viktor Frankl) before we realize we need a balance of all three.
Thanks — I remember the Freud, Adler, Frankl formulation, too. But perhaps the perpetrator, victim, bystander trio that you referenced from Holocaust Studies is distinct from the drama triangle?
Mine is about the good, the bad and the foolish--and you, lucky for me, have been one of my readers. Hope I never seemed like a jerk, particularly as I consider getting off Substack at some point because of some meanness recently experienced. Not on the memoir though--and despite great kindnesses, including from you and, yes, even your mother, Josh. I guess I need a burst of encouragement --or maybe not. Maybe just leave ...
Your essay reeled me in from the beginning. And, at the end, the triangle soap opera drama so many live is powerful. I was just writing about it in an upcoming chapter of my book. I learned it as victim, tyrant, rescuer (same thing essentially). The poor me spot, the righteous spot and the feel good spot. All self serving, all extreme drama.
Ofri's essay is a great example to illustrate your point about what the narrator needs to do for the reader to feel the intended effect. I agree too many memoirs fall into this interpersonal conflict model, but I wonder how many actually transcend these three stereotypical roles of perp, victim, and savior. I want to see those roles transformed by the end as a reader. The savior role is as problematic as victim and perp.
It really seems like a generational divide. Tobias Wolff, Mary Karr, Kim Barnes, Cheryl Strayed, Bill Bryson, Tara Westover, and many others follow the pattern Ofri does (and in fact the earlier writers may have defined it for her). I cannot think of many memoirs published by non-celebrities in the last five years that do not skew toward the victim or victim/savior mold with a clear patriarchal villain. But this really is a hypothesis, and I'm open to exceptions if folks have them! Actually, one exception that I can think of is Kao Kalia Yang, whose memoirs transcend the drama triangle, even though they describe trauma and hardship. Others?
So there’s hope for my memoir. I used the model from one of Douglas Adam’s books where the hero, Arthur Dent, travels to the Planet of the Prophets where he eventually meets an old woman boiling some vile stew while hanging goat-like bladders on a line to dry.
When he walks toward her, she’s swatting huge insects that are buzzing the bladders. He tells her that he is looking for wisdom about life and she agrees to help him, but she needs assistance with moving her solar photocopying machine out of her cave to recharge it.
She eventually photocopies her document and goes through the copy with a yellow highlighter. She hands it to him and tells him to not do any of the stupid things she did, which are what she highlighted.
My memoir is about all the stupid things I did in life, which I have highlighted for my readers. I decided that my sole purpose in life is to simply serve as a warning to others.
I’d read that story!
I left out the part when he walked into her cave, vomited because of the smell, and then felt embarrassed as he apologized.
I haven’t left out those parts in my memoir. My target audience is sixth grade boys.
I agree Kao Kalia Yang’s work breaks that mold. Will Schwalbe (End of Life Book Club, We Should Not be Friends) immediately came to mind. Actually I see it is one of the reasons Hillbilly Elegy fell flat in the second half of the memoir. He becomes the victim/hero. Maybe it’s because I like these kinds of stories better. I think Orfi’s model works best with a narrative arc that follows the Hero’s journey structure. For me, the monomyth is old, stale, and serves to maintain order and status quo.
Thanks for the shout out. I used to be very interested in the Karpman Drama Triangle, not the least because I experienced it personally, and certainly when it comes to writing toxic relationships, it's a damn good structure to base interpersonal conflict on. In "The Requisitions" however, my three characters--at least in their inception--were more based on three 20th century theories about human nature that are clearly note exhaustive but provide a useful framework for characterization: that we tend to pursue pleasure (Sigmund Freud), power (Alfred Adler), or purpose (Viktor Frankl) before we realize we need a balance of all three.
Thanks — I remember the Freud, Adler, Frankl formulation, too. But perhaps the perpetrator, victim, bystander trio that you referenced from Holocaust Studies is distinct from the drama triangle?
Ah yes, nailed it. It’s damn useful in relation to the Karpman Drama Triangle, too … I hadn’t actually thought that through before. Bravo
Mine is about the good, the bad and the foolish--and you, lucky for me, have been one of my readers. Hope I never seemed like a jerk, particularly as I consider getting off Substack at some point because of some meanness recently experienced. Not on the memoir though--and despite great kindnesses, including from you and, yes, even your mother, Josh. I guess I need a burst of encouragement --or maybe not. Maybe just leave ...
Very sorry to hear that you’ve been treated poorly, Mary. Can you block those people? I’ve also had a few trolls.
Not a troll. May explain privately some day. But you're a friend and will remain one.
Your essay reeled me in from the beginning. And, at the end, the triangle soap opera drama so many live is powerful. I was just writing about it in an upcoming chapter of my book. I learned it as victim, tyrant, rescuer (same thing essentially). The poor me spot, the righteous spot and the feel good spot. All self serving, all extreme drama.
Thanks! I’m curious about your book chapter. I have more to say about the drama triangle and social media discourse in the coming weeks.